Smallest at the Parade

She was
smallest
my allest
sweetest
neatest
eating a
chocolate bar
and seated
defeated
dejected
bottom on the curb
feet in the dust
and just
when I called
standing
handing
me
the wrapper.

Indulgent Moaning of a Wobegone Woman

There is a definite absence here, 

and it is odd when I try to think about it logically because when  you were last here you were often out with your friends and even took to sleeping in the basement rather than your room to watch late night TV. 

It shouldn’t seem so odd, but it does because your very existence and your entire life reside in another zip code, and they are forever removed from my immediate, grasp, control, but most poignantly, responsibility. 

I can only think of your baby’s face and your feet before they reached the edge of the couch. 

I can only see you singing with Barney about the Noble Duke of York and playing Robin Hood while you ran around wielding your red drumstick because I wouldn’t buy you any toy weapons.

 I miss your presence here because now you have become a man. 

And even though I love that man…I am proud of that man, and he will always be my son, 

he will never be my baby 

again. 

Donuts

Tip of the tongue

Soft

Sweet

Light

Mmmm

Explode in

Chewed bits

Airy, fresh

Still

Cold stares

Too much

Lips covered

Sugar on

Table

Residue on lips

One more

Licked

Clean

Almost

Soft

Chewed bits

Fill up cheeks

Flat taste

Dead tongue
straight to the hips

Today

Been so long
since I
held you

in my heart
and squeezed
a thought
that mattered
teased a wish
that might
please
my soul

been so long
since I
felt you

in my hand
and used
a song
that I heard
fused a dream
with the
muse
in my brain

been so long
since I
knew you

in my mind
and pulled
out the truth
to be
lulled by faith
to the
dullness
of my days

Been so long
until today.

My Little Friend

Her voice wavered as she

cried out to me.

It grabbed me and

 led me across

the smoky threshold.

Pulling my shirt over my

mouth I inched my

way toward her cries.

It was too dark to see

and the wood cracked and hissed .

Relief washed over me as I

reached a room with a

pink sticker on the door

And heard a faint

whimper.

She sat beneath

The desk and I knelt

and easily lifted

her tiny form.

The way out was hot

And I could feel sweat dripping

As I walked through

And back out

Into a day filled

With sunshine

I passed her to

The paramedics

And drank

And drank

And turned to see

As the roof collapsed.

Today they said my name

and the mother she

stepped forward to hug

Me

As they presented me with

A plaque of honor

“You’re a hero.”

They said in quiet awe.

But I

Can only sit on this stool and

Stare at this drink

And remember her cry

I am no hero

A hero saves a life

And  my little friend,she

died anyway.

Swimming toward Forever

In one white hot
moment
of deciding on forever
the real journey would begin
and your lips would
draw me
close
and keep me
coming back
to taste more dreams
and hear
more truth
than
I knew existed

In one white hot
moment
of affirmation
without hesitation
I would jump
in

Both feet now
wet with
devotion
I walk through
the shallows
ready to swim
when it gets
deep

Stepping Out

I wear this invisibility cloak

Nearly everywhere I go.

And though I don’t remember

Choosing it

Or creating it,

There is no question that

It is mine and defines

my style.

Adrift in a sea of irrelevance,

I tried to find

matching shoes

but

the sparkle of sequence

on my heels

 could not be  

 masked

beneath the folds of

my cloak.

So, though I stood

in the corner

when you

walked by

and

thought certainly

I’d remain as always, unseen,

you stopped

and looked down

long enough to hear

my whisper.

“See me.”

I begged.

And you smiled

and reached out your

hand to me.

So, I stepped from the corner

and let my cloak

fall away.

Never Will You Be Gone

Never

will you be

Gone

From me

For you were

Made in my marrow

And housed in my flesh

And in the halls of my heart

I heard your footsteps as

You walked there

 before

You could breathe

And there you will

Stay upon the timeless

Throne of  my love

That was built for you

The moment

My soul knew

I would be

Your Mom.

Up late

When I'm up late don't hesi-
tate or even wonder
if I should write
a word that
makes much sense
intense,
intent on finding truth
beneath the frame
of words
and conventions
too unrelenting
and unforgiving, no
time for crafting I'm only drafting
this piece is magically
tragically
obtuse, don't set me loose and free
falling from the highest peak
the mountain I would never climb
still I'm
standing
on top
of the snowcapped
wishes that the
fairies left
behind

Morning Walk

Out of the corner of my eye

the brightness of the morning sun

peeked through the trees

white light tickling

the leaves

promising to wash away

the churning twists of

not quite good enough in

my gut

but …I just couldn’t seem

to turn my head.

Poison

Falling out of her mouth

it rips

me and

the pieces

curl on the pavement

burning without flame

writhing as they

shrink down

into specks

of ash

swept away with

one breath

Morning Fire

Small crackling pops
quick flaming embers
dying at her touch
smoldering in the drizzle

bringing tears
to soothe charred fingers
burning flesh
even as the wind
chases her fruitless labor

Hovering Near

Following closely
behind
she couldn't catch
her dream

She might have
kept walking
but instead
she stopped
moving

But even gathered
there alone
on her mat
breathing past
regret
She saw

Hovering near
just there
her dream waited
for the journey
to resume

Remember when...

I was...

sitting in your green nova
going to your house for
hot dogs and
sandwich cookies

sitting on your stoop
watching ants crawl
in and out
wondering how deeply
they would burrow

sitting with
sneakers in the sand
hanging off
the curb to wait
for
the parade


sitting on that shelf
between your
winter coats
in the dark
smelling your
grandma smell

learning how
to love deep
and wide

Diagnosis

only one month in
the word came in the room
and she felt the burn
of loss before the fight began

unknown still
ungrown, wrapped in soft
flannel just gazing
into her face
and already
broken

What could she do but,
try and cry
and look about
and whisper
Why?

A road of hope
with odds recited
uninvited reality
knocks each time
new skin against her lips
she dreams of bliss
of still knowing her child
as she grows old

Blindfish

When anger bubbles up
what should I do?

let it grind
my insides out
a limestone cave
a dripping certainty
stalactite stuck staying
threatening from above
but rooted in fear

instead I could
 release
the drips
into the trickle
the stream
the river of
blindfish
and hope
I swim faster
than they do.

Words

Been on hiatus from my self
and stuck my mind up on a shelf

Not an ounce of new creation
just a brow creased in frustration

Oh words have danced across my page
of joy and fears and hope and rage

Frozen there and all alone
even I can't read my own

words

Burnt Out

My nose is cold
my fingers, they crackle
a fire burnt out
is too much to tackle

My lines are forgotten
my song, it falters
a melody learned
it too hard to alter

So... stillness becomes
companion, near friend
clock hands turning
'til emptiness ends

Duality

She sees right through me
with a practiced eye
and a knowing nod.

The power within her
pulses outward toward
my kneeling form
enveloping
the entirety of my
unease.

And just like that,
she swallows my discontent.

And though it catches in
her throat
and her
eyes bulge with effort,
she does not choke,
but smiles
as I stand
to save her.

Islands

Beautiful island in my soul
Can't find the shade,
Can't  stay here alone.

Tried to bring you with me
only to find,
you have your own
and can't live long on mine.