Dead, Not Gone

I woke up dead this morning
yet I still had things to do
I made a pot of coffee
pancakes and eggs too.

No blood was flowing through my veins
as I put the clothes away
numbness overtook me
as I saw the break of day.

Come upon us now
the brilliant morning sun
all their footsteps down the stairs
no one noticed, not a one

Dead inside, heart closed off
every dream expired
I wiped the counter, moved the plate
and all I felt was tired.

Tired of trying to be what
I'm never meant to be
the perfect mother, wife and child
no none of them are me

So I will choose this death instead
and live my life encased
in this casket called my skin
behind this empty face.

Esmerelda's Vision

I had been having a hard time seeing what was in front of me, though the side view was crystal clear...always,and the look behind emblazoned in my mind. I gues that is what led me to give it a try. I thought I'd only do it for a few moments, just to see what if felt like, but then...it stretched into more.

Now I seem to be stuck with it, and it has created a barrier for me that feels insurmountable. How did this happen? I went from slightly blurry to completely blind. When I wake each morning, I no longer wonder if it's going to be a good day...I just wonder what time I'll be able to take my first hit.

I don't know what is coming at me. I don't care...too much. I can't see who or what is beside me anymore...I can't care. No memories remain of what has passed me by...I won't look.